The Making of a Malapropism

 

In a video that I saw the other day, a pundit was ridiculing a man for asserting that one cannot pull oneself up by one’s bootstraps, and for asserting, therefore, that any man saying that one could do it nullified the point that he was using the expression to enforce. No one seemed to care about the man’s concern for the proper use of an aphorism, not to mention the corollary that an improper use of one undermined the point that the aphorism was used to prop up. Who cares more about sense than emotion in arguments these days? Who bothers to look up the expressions that pundits use? Because the masses don’t care for sense, the misuse of an expression does not preclude the abuser of one from winning an argument. He wins only in the minds of ignorant listeners. But since the ignorant make up the majority of those who are listening, he wins in practice if not in theory, which is what counts in life, outside of academia, and even inside academia these days.

Few boots have straps on them. Cowboy boots do. But few people wear boots like that, even out west. For this reason, maybe, the original intention of the bootstrap expression has been lost. Now it is used to mean the opposite of what it was intended to mean, which meaning makes no sense. That bootstraps would snap before helping a person raise himself up or off the ground by them should be obvious to anyone who can imagine trying it. But who will bother to imagine? Moreover, since pulling on bootstraps pushes the body down instead of up, this makes bootstraps of no use in pulling a man up no matter how strong the bootstraps are. But who cares about that?  

The conventional opinion is that the bootstrap expression was dreamed up to mean that one can succeed, with enough effort, on one’s own. This opinion is obviously false. Why would someone teach a lesson on succeeding by coining a maxim that illustrates an impossible thing to do? The origin of the phrase, then, if we could find it, would probably read something like this: A person would be as likely to raise himself in the air by his bootstraps as find gold in that there mine! I have read the bootstrap expression properly used: in the way that I have just demonstrated. I came across it in an old book that I cannot recollect the title of.  

The misapplication of a word or expression is called a malapropism. I have lately witnessed, I believe, the making of one, which is strangely exciting, for this must be, like the time I found two one hundred dollar bills in the alley, one of those once-in-a-lifetime events. I did not record the date of its coinage. But it is now nearing the end of March, 2020, and I heard it about one month ago, two at the most. Now this malapropism is on its way to becoming as widespread as the one about bootstraps, and, to men who hate language rot, just as infamous. I don’t believe that this malapropism will ever be traced farther back than when Mark Levin uttered it. The way that he said it leads me to believe that he is its originator. While referring to some controversial subject or character, he said this as his reaction: “I’ll keep my powder dry—for now.” He does not know that a promise to have wet powder is ridiculous and self-defeating because he does not know that keeping your powder dry is a necessity if you want your musket to fire. ‘Keep your powder dry’ has been an idiom for being cautious and ready since the time muskets were used and maybe even since gunpowder was used. But now the idiom is uttered as if keeping powder dry is something that is done until the time of firing, as if wet powder is what you need when you finally do fire. Even if what were meant is that the powder may soon be wet with blood, that would not be true since it is not the powder that hits the body, but the ball. The first time I heard the malapropism repeated was about a week or two after Mark Levin coined it. Because it was done by Ezra Levant, another radio host, I have little doubt that Levant got it from Levin. The next time I heard it was on WBAP in Texas on the Chris Plank Show, the same radio station that airs the Mark Levin Show. I predict that the malapropism is on its way to pulling itself up by its bootstraps and that it will soon be rocketing into promiscuous use. In spite of its wet powder, it is perhaps already traveling like a bullet fired from a dry barrel, and it is too late to stop it. 

A couple of weeks after writing this Making of a Malapropism, I was reading what is called a Supplement in John Howie’s Lives of the Scots Worthies, published in the year 1775. Because of what I saw in there, I decided to come back to add something. The most basic meaning of ‘keep your powder dry’ may be found in the Supplement: “In crossing the Logan a little above the Waterside, he unfortunately fell into the water and destroyed his powder.” Further down the page we read that he ‘laid down his useless weapon.’ Water had made his powder wet, thus rendering his musket inoperable. You do not plan to keep your powder dry ‘for now.’ You try to keep it dry, period. It is ignorant to say that you will keep your powder dry ‘for now.’     

A malapropism can tell us some important things about its user. Mark Levin’s use of it tells us that he is not as informed as he leads us to believe about the time period that he writes about. A man who doesn’t know about the necessity of keeping powder dry cannot have read that much about the historical period of America’s Founding Fathers. Or, if he has, it has been narrowly. He might have read some Federalist Papers and about Madison, Hamilton, and Jay. But it is doubtful that he has read full-length histories of the American Revolution and Civil War. The necessity of keeping gunpowder dry, along with the admonition to do so, predates those events. But it is also prominent during those events. Can a person be an expert about any facet of 18th century America without knowing what ‘keep your powder dry’ means? This is doubtful. We learn from Levin’s malapropism that he is not as learned as he should be, especially after publishing books called The Liberty Amendments and Rediscovering Americanism. I cannot believe that a person can be very well-informed about politics in 18th century America and at the same time say, without joking, “I’ll keep my powder dry—for now.” For certain he was not joking when he said it. I distinctly remember the grave tone that he used. As for those who repeat popular maxims that they hear, like Misters Levant and Plank, we learn that they are not as wary as the admonition to ‘keep your powder dry’ warns them to be. 

I have no knowledge of Chris Plank, having heard his radio show only once. But I have listened to Mark Levin and Ezra Levant for years. I have learned a lot from each one; I am thankful for their work; and I am more conservative than both of them together. So this essay has no other purpose than to signal the birth of a malapropism and to point out that there is something to be learned from a person’s use of one. “My son, hear the instruction of thy father” (Proverbs 1.8.) Yes, at least hear your ancestor enough to know that you don’t merely keep your powder dry for now.